It was some years ago, I had been going through quite a time of trying to talk reason into some obstreperous types, and, frankly, I was wearied by it all. As they used to say, “I couldn’t win for losing.” They would be satisfied with only one thing (fill in the blanks).
It was in such a setting that I occasioned to talk to a senior pastor who, sadly, had been a casualty in a church “fragging” (for you civilians out there, that’s a mugging). Humorously, he was now selling casualty insurance to churches and working as a part-time politician – there’s some Divine humor here.
In the midst of our conversation he uttered this statement of a bloodied, spiritual warrior, something like this:
“With manipulative, legal, antagonistic types you can’t admit any fault or weakness at all or they will use that to justify their evil behavior against you.”
Boom!!! Yea, baby. Lights went on.
News! News! There are some types that really do not want reconciliation or peace at all; they want blood. If even a “nugget” of sin or weakness is sensed, it will become a “boulder” of further attack (I truly believe it is a shock to most men and women to meet such types – most of us simply aren’t raised that way).
I do not write this to accuse. I write it to free some who have tried everything they can to make peace with others, only to find themselves further accused of “whatever.” These are those who have bumped into types we now call “pathological antagonists.” The Bible calls them “pugnacious,” (gk. Plektes, contentious, quarrelsome, bully: 1 Tim. 3:3; Titus 1:7) and the quicker you distance yourselves from such types the better. That is why Scripture is specific in saying “if possible” live at peace with all men, because, with some, it is simply not possible to have harmony and accord (Rom. 12:18).
This is never to forgive or excuse unforgiveness, bitterness, or contentiousness on our part. Never! But it is to deal with the harsh realities of life, and that reality includes the acknow-ledgement that there are some strange beings out there that actually use guilt, condemnation and unforgiveness as spiritual weapons of seizure, manipulation and control of others. Please do not let accusative types beat you up any longer. Yes, pray for them, all the while avoiding their contagion and feeding them with long-handled spoons.
Is this tragic? In a word, yes. Jesus has come to offer so much more than having to be in control of our own silly, little lives or the lives of others (Psa. 46:10, NASB). But some, still walking in the addiction of their sinful flesh, find more joy in controlling others than in being controlled by the Holy Spirit of God. Rather than find contentment, peace and joy in being “In Christ,” beloved of God, with no Divine condemnation, they find their joy in carnal delights, not the least of which is puffing themselves up by putting others down. God’s Divine Word simply says that is “not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12, NIV).
And for us, little flock? Let us continue on, with the aid of God’s Spirit and Word, removing the giant, sinful logs from our own eyes so that we don’t have so much time to criticize the meager, little “splinters” in the lives of others (Mt. 7:1-6). Going forth with such humility, and dealing with our own sin, we really will be prepared to help others when they really do request our spiritual aid and assistance (Rom. 8:1-12).
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